He wiped away her tears...

Words cannot express, but I will try.

There are times when the love of God comes so very near, you can hardly breathe. When in a miraculous way, you truly feel how He feels and loves how He loves; like a flood of rushing waters without its terrifying fierceness, rather its tenderly compassion.

Last night, Brooklynne (see my previous post for adoption background) and I shared an incredible moment that brought a torrent of emotions.  And it was good.

Since adding a third medicine to help control Brooklynne's seizures, she has changed a lot.  She is not the same little girl.  There are a variety of side effects:  excessive sleep and fluctuating emotions to name a couple.  

Brooklynne never cries.  She has to be badly hurt to cry, as she has a high pain tolerance due to the abuse she suffered in Guatemala as an infant.  Since adding the new seizure medicine, Brooklynne has had some bouts of breaking out into laughter, uncontrollable laughter, that can last 10 minutes or an hour or more.  A couple of times, I have noticed tears puddling up in her eyes, for no reason.  She does not make a sound; just tears.

Last night, Brent and I went to bed.  The other 3 children were staying at grandmas house.  After a couple of minutes, I thought I heard Brooklynne crying.  I asked my husband to listen.  I got up and went into her room.  She was on her bed, holding her little musical piano, close to her chest.  Her eyes were wide open, a little red, with tears streaming down the side of her face.  She was shaking as though she were cold, but to the touch she was not.  Her cry was not silent either.  Her breathing was heavy and loud.

I sat by Brooklynne and tried to calm her.  I called my husband in, and he sat at the end of her bed.  I watched her and my heart was breaking.  Brooklynne is non-verbal, so she cannot tell me if she is in pain or if she is sad...I sensed fear.  There is no way of knowing what Brooklynne is thinking.  Because of her severe disabilities, sometimes you wonder just how much thinking she is able to do.

The only thing I knew to do was to sing to her...about Jesus.

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that Name.

Master, Savior, Jesus, like the fragrance after the rain.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all Heaven and Earth proclaim,

Kings and Kingdoms will all pass away,

but there's something about that Name."

I sang it once, twice...she started to calm down.  Three times...Brent laid hands on her and I saw him silently praying.  Fourth time...she was still, and I could not make it through the song from being so choked up and my eyes now filled  with tears streaming down my face. 

Love came down; Peace enveloped the atmosphere; Compassion failed not.

Not because of me - Because of Him.  It was beautiful.

I went to bed and just cried out of an abundance of love for my daughter.  It keeps expanding to a place I never thought it would go.  And I am thankful for the privilege to go through trials and sufferings, to continue to be conformed to the image of Christ for the Glory of God alone.

He receives all the glory for last night; my flesh would have not felt love; it is the Spirit within us that gives our family, gives your families, the strength to endure the most difficult of circumstances and come out praising His Holy Name.

Have a blessed week!

 2 Corinthians 12:10 "Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."