Hello, Friends! It sure has been a long while since my last post. I have decided not to continue where I left off regarding our move from IL to IA. Rather, I wanted to share with you what God has done with me the past six months.
God has really softened my hard and bitter heart, and He reminded me of that when on a walk with my hubby last week. Just down the block, is a big lilac bush. It was starting to bloom. I LOVE LILACS! They are my absolute favorite. I asked hubby to stop for a minute. I walked up close to the lilac bush and deeply inhaled the lovely lilac scent - quite a few times, I may add. :) I heard a woman say, "You can pick some if you would like."
"I am sorry that I was on your property smelling the lilacs," was my reply.
"No problem. You can come pick some any time."
Hubby chimed in, "Do not tell her that, or she will strip the bush bare!" LOL!
Well, he really is right, you know. ;)
It is so peaceful and calming to take time to stop and enjoy what God has made and appreciate who He is...even amidst suffering, stress, and strife. It puts things in perspective and also reminds us how important slowing down is. Not just our physical bodies, but our minds as well.
Who I was six months ago is not who I am today. Then, in the midst of many trials, I was angry, stressed, confused, worked up, depressed, with a "Woe is me!" and a "How much more am I supposed to take?" mindset. I was not taking time to stop, rest, and enjoy the life God has given me. I was complaining all the time. I wanted control of my circumstances and had none. There are so many times, just as a young girl is with her father, that I stomp my feet, whining, and wanting my way. Well, let me tell you - in my 22 years of being a Christian, fit throwing never works with the Father. He loves me enough to always fulfill His purposes in my life and not give in to my complaints. I sure do love Him for that. His ways are always best.
Let me give you some examples of how, through God's grace, I have been able to "let go and let God", as the saying goes:
1) I used to be a taskmaster with keeping my home spotless and getting annoyed when it isn't. Partly OCD/partly to have order - i.e. control. I have really relaxed in this area. Instead of barking orders at the children when they wake up, I take time to just talk and enjoy them. I give up chores on weekends to spend as much time with my husband as possible. I quit working on Sundays for the most part.
2) Last August, my second oldest son told me he was enlisting in the Navy. I went crazy! You can't! It is dangerous! The world is a mess! What am I going to do if I lose you? My response to him caused him to not talk to me for a while, and I was heartbroken over it. God let that happen, so that I would learn to trust Him with the future of my children. My son ended up changing his mind at that time. But just last week, he let us know he was going to join the Air Force. The job he wants is a dangerous one. I supported him 100%. He is a man. He loves God. God knows exactly what He is doing.
3) Sometimes, my oldest son will come to me and say that I am not going to like what he is going to tell me. Before, I would have no problem spouting off my opinion. With yelling of course. Now, I just try to love him very well.
4) Over the years, my relationship was strained with my mother-in-law. She is battling cancer. It is moving again. The cancer is terminal. Just a couple weeks ago, I asked her to forgive me for my anger and selfishness over the years, and told her that to see how she battles this cancer with her faith is an inspiration to me. I have let the past go. Last week, we all got together for family pictures. It was a wonderful day. I felt free to be me. All weights lifted.
5) I have had legalistic tendencies in the past and iron-fisted parenting behavior on some issues, that now I have much grace in. Again, it is freeing.
6) I was so mad at the "organized church" that I rebelled quite a bit at times. Now we are members of such a loving fellowship, that I never want to miss a Sunday.
7) Before, it seemed so burdensome to care for Brooklynne. Now I appreciate her more and love to give her hugs and make her smile.
I used to always worry about tomorrow, but am getting a little better at taking one day at a time.
That day I stopped to smell the lilacs, I was reminded of all these things. To just enjoy the moment. Take each as it comes. Enjoy my children. Love others.
Six months ago, I hated my life. Today, I am very content. I would not change anything. God had and still has good plans for me, whether in times of joy or suffering. To Him I give all the glory.
I know difficult times will come again. I am praying that during those times, I will stop to smell the lilacs.
*Take time to enjoy a walk. Take your children to a park. Go outside and visit with the neighbor. Keep your calendar less filled with worldly things so you can minster the spiritual ones. Roll down your windows when you are driving, and sing a song for everyone to hear. Wave at the crossing guard you pass everyday when taking your children to school. (I do. :) ) Go on dates with your spouse. Learn to laugh again.
It feels so good to smile and laugh again, folks. Have a great evening!
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